just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
