It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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