i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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