I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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