your parents love me but you hate me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
