I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
