my mouth tastes like poor choices
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
