After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
