I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
