On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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