Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
