Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
