hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
