just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
