I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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