i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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