just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
