umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
