its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
