We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
