Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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