So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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