I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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