she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
