I think I just saw someone hide a body.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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