I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
