I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
