it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
