Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
