I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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