Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
