i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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