It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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