I think my vagina is haunted
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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