A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
