my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
