Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
