You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
