But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
