Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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