I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's always time for handjobs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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