we have pet lesbian snakes
You work out of a Hotel?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So vagazzling was a success
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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