i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
