party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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