Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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