____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My bed smells like the plague
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
