You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
