You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
