you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
