glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
