Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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